Not all witnesses are scholars, you know…but this is ridiculous.
CLERK: Please repeat after me: “I swear by Almighty God…”
WITNESS: I swear by Almighty God.
CLERK: That the evidence that I give…
WITNESS: That’s right.
CLERK: Repeat it.
WITNESS: Repeat it.
CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.
WITNESS: What you said when?
CLERK: That the evidence that I give…
WITNESS: That the evidence that I give.
CLERK: Shall be the truth and…
WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!
CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: “Shall be the truth and…”
WITNESS: I’m not a scholar, you know.
CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me:
“Shall be the truth and…”
WITNESS: Shall be the truth and.
CLERK: Say: “Nothing…”.
WITNESS: Okay. (Witness remains silent.)
CLERK: No! Don’t say nothing. Say: “Nothing but the truth…”
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Can’t you say: “Nothing but the truth…?”
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Well? Do so.
WITNESS: You’re confusing me.
CLERK: Just say: “Nothing but the truth…”
WITNESS: Is that all?
CLERK: Yes.
WITNESS: Okay. I understand.
CLERK: Then say it.
WITNESS: What?
CLERK: “Nothing but the truth…”
WITNESS: But I do! That’s just it.
CLERK: You must say: “Nothing but the truth…”
WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the truth!
CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words:
“Nothing,” “But,” “The” “Truth.”
WITNESS: What? You mean, like, now?
CLERK: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
WITNESS: “Nothing. But. The. Truth.”
CLERK: Thank you.
WITNESS: I’m just not a scholar you know…
- From a case in Alabama
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