In one fell swoop, we all feel a bit better about the countless $4 coffees purchased from Starbucks.  The company created their Love Project when on December 7, 2009, citizens of 156 countries united and sang “All You Need is Love” by the Beatles to spread AIDS awareness.

On December 3, 2009, Starbucks posted this notice on their YouTube channel:

In one amazing moment, the world will come together to sing about the one thing we all have in common love. People from around the world will sing the legendary hit “All You Need is Love” in a single voice on December 7, 2009 at 8:30 am EST.  The global sing-along is part of our continuing efforts to help fight AIDS in Africa.  In just one year in partnership with (RED)™, Starbucks has generated money equivalent to more than 7 million days of medicine to help those living with HIV in Africa.

You can watch the event, and lend your own voice, when you visit [StarbucksLoveProject.com]. Watch streaming video from countries around the world and then join in by singing “All You Need is Love” yourself.  For each video submitted, Starbucks will make a contribution to the Global Fund to help fight against AIDS in Africa. You can also help increase the Starbucks contribution to the Global Fund by submitting a drawing to the Love Gallery.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said: “Among the many forms in which the human spirit has tried to express its innermost yearnings and perceptions, music is perhaps the most universal. It symbolizes the yearnings for harmony, with oneself and with others, with nature and with the spiritual and sacred within us and around us. There is something in music that transcends and unites. This is evident in the sacred music of every community – music that expresses the universal yearning that is shared by people all over the globe.”

Love is truly all there is…

Related posts:

1. For Four Minutes 13,500 People Were United in Song in Trafalgar Square
2. Stand by Me by Playing for Change
3. Change is Gonna Come – Another Must See Performance

It is very difficult to wrap your brain around the warped reality of abusers.  Quite frankly one wonders why they insist on creating such constant drama.  It must be exhausting.  For pity’s sake, go lay in a hammock and chill.  Read a book.  Aren’t there better things to do than to live in a bad B movie day after day?

Their motivation is quite simple.  And primitive.  Can you say arrested development?  Never understood why that was not a jailable offense.  Oh wait, – in their case,  it is… But I digress.

Despite the muddied waters created by federally sponsored psychological and sociological research, strident (and oh so tired) feminist theories, the hue and cry from organizations founded by men crying persecution - men that hit women, children and animals (i.e. smaller living beings) do it for POWER and CONTROL. The power and control gains him ownership.  Then the genius sets about to destroy that which he owns.  Does that make any sense?  Boys, you are merely sad cartoon characters.

Ladies, no one that displays any of the traits listed below, is worthy of the benefit of the doubt.  Those of you reading this – caught in his web of lunacy and cycle of violence – have got to run like hell. Today.  The only place he belongs is in your rear view mirror and then jail.

There are people just waiting to see you through.  You just have to make the call.  Call me, call anyone, call 911, call a taxi – just get out the house.   We will find a way.

Besides, summer is here.  Do you really want to waste one more sunny day cowering in the darkness?  He doesn’t own you. Get the money, the children, the pets, the paperwork, take the better car…and step.  One day, very soon, you are going to look back and think “what the hell was I thinking?  That man was crazy as hell…”

The List:

1.  Heavy drinking or drug abuse, especially if he the substances are his excuse: “The alcohol made me do it.”  Yeah, and the devil too.

2.  Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse.  It will grow in frequency and severity.  He will wear you down.  That is not love – love builds you up.  Do not, repeat, do not marry him thinking you can change him.  You won’t.  You can’t change people.  C’mon, that is basic common sense 101.

3.  Morbid jealousy. What appears to be flattering attention initially, molds into an obsessive, unrelenting curse all too soon.  You will never convince him of your innocence in his imagined transgressions you have committed.

4. Past child abuse and/or witness to marital violence.  Children learn what they live. Boys tend to emulate their fathers.  Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a “violence carrier.”  You can’t fix him.  Leave it to the professionals.  Or God – just not you.

5. Inability to handle frustration.  If he blows up like a two year old, explodes at the least little thing, and throws tantrums over minor things, he will likely act out his frustration with violence in a marriage.  The way he handles his anger is a key indicator.

6.  A violent temper. This speaks for itself.  If you feel fear when he gets angry, that is a warning signal.  Listen to the voices in your head and the red flashing lights of alarm all around you.  Denial is a dead end street.

7. Cruelty to animals in any degree, abuse and mistreatment to your pets, enjoyment of the killing of hunted animals merely for the sake of killing.  What make you think he will treat you or your children any differently?

8.  Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self.  If he ever “playfully” points a gun at you or other any weapon, imagine him angry and armed. Get out!

9. Mental illness. A person of unsound mind, no sense of moral responsibility or guilt, will find it difficult to control his actions.  Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?

10. Poor self-image and insecurity about his own masculinity.  If he compulsively needs to dominate and/or monitor conversations, schedules, visitors, must always have the upper hand -  you will, sooner than later, be the subject of his control.  He will consider you his possession.  Remember POWER and CONTROL.  He truly believes he has the right to treat you as his property, to do with as he pleases. (See any definition for sociopath.)

11. Nothing is ever his fault.  Ever.  His problems are everyone else’s fault, starting with his wife.  It is a never ending pattern.  If he never acknowledges his faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, you, the children and the dog will be held responsible.

12.  Violence to him is normal.  It is how he solves problems.  When you were a little girl dreaming of your future husband – is this what you had in mind?

13.  Isolating his wife from family and friends, monitoring and unplugging her phone, criticizing her friends and family, taking the keys, timing her time out of the house…and then staying out as he pleases with nary an explanation.

The Why Factor

After combing through mountains of research, reports, posts, studies, evaluations, and anything else I could get my hands on to explain how a batterer’s brain works – I found Brian Nichols. He is the Public Policy Team Manager for the wonderful group Men Stopping Violence Inc., from Atlanta, Georgia.  I hope to interview him soon because their program is having great success with respect to batterer intervention and rehabilitation.

His article – Why Do Men Batter?- cuts through the many dissenting, disparate, often angry, voices that espouse their varied and inopposite opinions and theories on this topic.  He brought the question of a batterer’s motivation in for a clear landing.

Battering is not an inability to express feelings or wants, but a method by which a man does so.  When a man hits or yells at a woman, that is a choice he makes. No person or circumstance can make a man attack his partner verbally or physically. There are circumstances which may increase the likelihood that a man will batter, but no circumstances make it inevitable that a man will make abusive choices. This means that explanations of battering which are interpersonal, such as communication issues or provocation, are inaccurate.

Men, rather than circumstances, are responsible for abusive choices. Thus, an accurate explanation of battering would account for the reasons men make the choice to batter rather than an outside force that causes them to batter. In short, men batter to gain power and control over another person. This explanation is profound in that it frames individual acts of violence within a pattern of behavior. The explanation of power and control has become, however, something of a cliché, and its larger implications are overlooked. One often overlooked implication is that battering is purposeful. Men choose behavior in a systematic way in order to gain power and control. There is a function to a man’s battering. That is, men batter in the short term to get a woman to do what he wants or to stop her from doing something.

When a man yells at a woman, criticizing her, he knows what effect his behavior will have on her. In the short term, his yelling will cause fear and pain, and in the longer term he will destroy her personhood so that he can have power and control over her. Men who batter know and choose the effects of battering. This is disturbing because it leaves us with the question, why do men want power and control?

It is only after all parties are safe and cooler (and saner) heads prevail, that we can address the remedies, rehabilitation and healing necessary for all parties. Men Stopping Violence, Inc. demonstrates there is hope for drastic change for all concerned.  I truly believe that and shall present more on the topic very shortly.

My deepest thanks to Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Martina McBride.  God Bless you all for keeping it real.

Related posts:

1. Domestic Violence: Facing Abuse
2. New Domestic Violence Assessment Tool
3. Domestic Violence: What Can the Judge Order?

See Ya!

Anyone with an ex-husband, or about to have an ex-husband, should appreciate this video.  By an ex-wife.

If you leave me, can I come too?

A photo tribute to IF YOU LEAVE ME…. the comedy song  – with lyrics by Amanda Green and music by Skip Kennon – performed live at NYC’s Second Stage Theatre by Jesse Tyler Ferguson, accompanied by Tom Kitt. From the CD “Put a Little Love In Your Mouth: The Songs of Amanda Green.” Contact info: starfighterllc@aol.com.  Video designed by Route Design Technology.

Related posts:

1. A Tale of Default Divorce By Deception
2. Are Divorce Cakes a Half Baked Idea?
3. The Art of Non-Communication – A Funny Court Divorce Story

In what is becoming a reoccurring theme in this legal blog, here is another example of people of the world united in song.  Figure a balance is needed for all of us between the realities of legalities and our hope for a brighter future where no wrong exists.  For four minutes, over 13,500 people were united in music in a sing-along of Hey Jude in Trafalgar Square.  No wonder it is said that when we sing, we pray twice.  Enjoy.

Related posts:

1. 40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes
2. “Love is All You Need” sung in 156 Countries

As John Chow stated in his blog John Chow dot Com: Tuesday is normally the second worst day of the week after Monday. But I got the cure for those Tuesday blues with an awesome remix of Ben E. King’s classic, Stand By Me. The video was produced by Playing For Change and I got tell ya, if it doesn’t bring a tear to you eyes, then you are one heartless bastard.

Director Jonathan Walls first described the inception of the project in 1999 on Huffington Post last spring.  The background story of this extraordinary project is also fascinating, involving a dream, childhood friends, couch surfing and the perseverance of a love of storytelling.

Jesus Diaz featured the video in his blog, The Best Article Every Day explaining: This cover of Stand By Me was recorded by completely unknown artists in a street virtual studio all around the world. It all started with a base track—vocals and guitar—recorded on the streets of Santa Monica, California, by a street musician called Roger Ridley. The base track was then taken to New Orleans, Louisiana, where Grandpa Ellitott—a blind singer from the French Quarter—added vocals and harmonica while listening to Ridley’s base track on headphones. In the same city, Washboard Chaz’s added some metal percussion to it.  And from there, it just gets rock ‘n’ rolling bananas: The producers  took the resulting mix all through Europe, Africa, and South America, adding new tracks with multiple instruments and vocals that were assembled in the final version you are seeing in this video.

Playing for Change has produced a number of these videos.  On their website their inspiration, production and the effect are as follows:

The Inspiration

Playing for Change is a multimedia movement created to inspire, connect, and bring peace to the world through music. The idea for this project arose from a common belief that music has the power to break down boundaries and overcome distances between people. No matter whether people come from different geographic, political, economic, spiritual or ideological backgrounds, music has the universal power to transcend and unite us as one human race. And with this truth firmly fixed in our minds, we set out to share it with the world.

The Production

We built a mobile recording studio, equipped with all the same equipment used in the best studios, and traveled to wherever the music took us. As technology changed, our power demands were downsized from golf cart batteries to car batteries, and finally to laptops. Similarly, the quality with which we were able to film and document the project was gradually upgraded from a variety of formats– each the best we could attain at the time—finally to full HD.

One thing that never changed throughout the process was our commitment to create an environment for the musicians in which they could create freely and that placed no barriers between them and those who would eventually experience their music. By leading with that energy and intent everywhere we traveled, we were freely given access to musicians and locations that are usually inaccessible. In this respect, the inspiration that originally set us on this path became a co-creator of the project along with us!

The Effect

Over the course of this project, we decided it was not enough for our crew just to record and share this music with the world; we wanted to create a way to give back to the musicians and their communities that had shared so much with us. And so in 2007 we created the Playing for Change Foundation, a separate 501(c)3 nonprofit corporation whose mission is to do just that. In early 2008, we established Timeless Media, a for-profit entity that funds and extends the work of Playing for Change. Later that year, Timeless Media entered into a joint venture with the Concord Music Group through the support of label co-owner and entertainment legend Norman Lear and Concord Music Group executive vice president of A&R John Burk. Our goal is to bring PFC’s music, videos and message to the widest possible audience.

Now, musicians from all over the world are brought together to perform benefit concerts that build music and art schools in communities that are in need of inspiration and hope. In addition to benefit concerts, the Playing for Change band also performs shows around the world. When audiences see and hear musicians who have traveled thousands of miles from their homes, united in purpose and chorus on one stage, everyone is touched by music’s unifying power.

And now, everyone can participate in this transformative experience by joining the Playing for Change Movement. People are hosting screenings, musicians are holding benefit concerts of every size, fans are spreading the message of Playing for Change through our media, and this is only the beginning. Together, we will connect the world through music!

Related posts:

1. Change is Gonna Come – Another Must See Performance
2. “Love is All You Need” sung in 156 Countries
3. For Four Minutes 13,500 People Were United in Song in Trafalgar Square