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What Type of Family Law Attorney Do You Really Need: Lamb, Pit Bull, or Fox?

Constance Camus — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:19:25 +0000

Potential clients often want to know “what type of lawyer” we are. What they are really wondering is “are you aggressive enough” for them (whatever that might mean in that person’s mind). The problem is that the vast majority of the time, potential clients don’t really know what type of lawyer they truly need for their case. All too often, clients mistakenly believe that they need the most aggressive attorney to be found to handle their case, when in all actuality, hiring such a person will do nothing but make their case last longer, cost more, and potentially end with worse results.

One of the premier family law bloggers, Michael Sherman, wrote an excellent article several months ago discussing this very issue. He analyzed the different styles that family law attorneys utilize in representing their clients, particularly what he classifies as “the lamb, the pit bull and the fox.” Michael absolutely nailed this issue, and I couldn’t agree more with his assessment of this issue. His observations of these personas are listed below:

Lamb Lawyer

The lamb is the lawyer that just sort of goes with the flow. They are reactive, not proactive. They want to avoid confrontation at all costs and that means they also want to avoid going to court at all costs, even if it means convincing their clients to settle for significantly worse terms than they should. The lamb may even be afraid to try the divorce case. He will rarely, if ever, tell his client that he should not sign a settlement offer that is being extended from the other side even if that offer is clearly inequitable. Thankfully, there are not a lot of lambs that last very long as divorce lawyers.

Much more prevalent is the pit bull, who is exactly the opposite. They hate to settle cases. In fact, some of them won’t do anything proactive to try to settle their divorce cases. It is almost as if they take some type of perverse joy in seeing the “blood running in the streets.”

Pit Bull Lawyer

The truth is that often they do this simply to develop and maintain a reputation as “Bad Leroy Brown…baddest man in the whole damn town.” When a spouse is angry and in the emotional stage of wanting to exact revenge, they want to be the name on everyone’s lips when that aggrieved spouse asks their neighbor who is the meanest SOB in town. And, so they work hard to maintain that reputation because it makes them a lot of money.

The sad part is that acting like a pit bull is rarely, if ever, in their own client’s best interests. Of course, the pit bull’s main concern is not their client. If you know anything about pit bulls, you will know that they are very aggressive and vicious. But, they are not thinking animals. They act only on instinct. When they fight, they not only destroy the dog they are fighting, but by their own actions hurt themselves and anything else around them (which often includes their own client’s and their client’s children). The pit bull is aggressive for the sake of being aggressive, not for any long-term benefit it brings their client. Often people going through divorce will think they need an aggressive lawyer to represent them in their divorce. They are wrong. What they need is a lawyer who is assertive. There is a difference. It is the difference between the pit bull and the fox.

Wily Fox Lawyer

The fox is wise and cunning. He sees the big picture. The fox is assertive when he needs to be, compromising when it benefits his clients’ long-term best interests, and always aware of the many different consequences his actions have on his clients. He stands on principle. Yet, he is a strong advocate for his client when it promotes his client’s long-term best interests. He recognizes that reaching a fair settlement is always preferable to trying the case and leaving it up to the judge. Yet, he also knows that if a fair settlement is not forthcoming, then he must be willing and able to prepare to effectively litigate the case in court.

When choosing a divorce lawyer, you should avoid the lamb and the pit bull at all costs! Instead, find yourself a fox.

Source: ”The Style of Your Divoce Lawyer: The Lamb, the Pit Bull, and the Fox“ by Michael Sherman, published at his Alabama Family Law Blog and J. Benjamin Stevens

Are Divorce Cakes a Half Baked Idea?

Constance Camus — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 06:11:05 +0000

A wedding is the manifestation of the joy felt in the union of two people uniting in holy matrimony for life. Sadly, a divorce – not so much… To say the very least, it often provokes behavior that surprises even the individual displaying it. It is a process, much like grieving. At the end of the process, there is a rush of enormous relief, with the realization of new found freedom and the alleviation of tumultuous strife.

Hence, the theme of most divorce cakes and/or divorce parties is the emphasis of a fresh start – and the end of a battle.

Lately, divorce cakes have become increasingly popular and are selling like hotcakes (pun intended). Most feature either the bride or the groom pushing the partner off the cake, or stabbing them in the back or otherwise inflicting some serious bodily harm. There are also predominant themes like blood, broken hearts and scattered luggage, some even during the honeymoon.

While some might consider the whole idea too violent to be funny, makers of such cakes are thrilled about the possibilities now available to them. Some people might consider it crass and insensitive while others may view it as a fitting end to a period in their lives; as well as a chance to have a good party. I like to introduce humor rather than something too sober or vindictive so I use lots of figurines interacting with each other. Divorce can be a horrible thing but I would like to think comical divorce cakes can help lighten the mood a little; per Fay Millar, a baker in Brighton, England in a report to the Daily Mail.

“I think people are definitely coming round to the idea of shouting to the world that they are back on the market. I think it used to be taboo to have such a thing as a divorce cake because it is not traditionally viewed as an event to celebrate. However, with people like Katie Price throwing divorce parties I think people are definitely coming round to the idea of celebrating the end of a relationship and shouting to the world they are back on the market.”

Below is a slideshow of the best divorce cakes online to date, compiled by yours truly- complete with music by Pink with her song “So What?”

Portrait of a Newly Divorced Man-Child

Constance Camus — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:48:16 +0000

This needs no explanation. Even if it did, I have none.

Conceived by Adam Pally, shot by Chris Kula.

A Plea to Parents from a Divorce Lawyer: Leave Your Kids Out of It!

Constance Camus — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:56:52 +0000

Protecting Children’s Emotions and Perceptions in Divorce and/or Custody Cases

In twelve years of practicing family law, I have never seen a divorce and/or custody case where the children are fully protected throughout the litigation process. It is the saddest part of my practice, a part out of my control - and it only seems to be getting worse.

Your children have but one childhood. It is your job as a parent to fiercely protect what should be a magical and carefree time in their life. Magic is a perk of childhood that is hard, if not impossible, to recapture at any other time in their lives. Do not expose them to any unnecessary truths. Their life should consist of Santa Claus, tooth fairies and the belief that anything is possible. Once they are unnecessarily exposed – by either party – to the hard realities of a divorce (or to any part of the legal process), the damage is done. One cannot unring that bell. If the parents did not grow up when they married – it is time they did so during the divorce.

This focus on the children is in no way meant to minimize the very real trauma of parents in divorce proceedings. But your children are not your friends, nor are they your counselors. Go elsewhere for any help and consolation you need making it through. As all parents well know, children don’t miss anything, and like sponges, absorb everything. Around the kids, subdue any animosity you may feel towards your spouse or ex and just fake it. It is a gift of kindness that you will give to your kids. Remember too, that they will never forget the manner in which each of the parties conducted themselves throughout the process. Bad behavior, by either or both parents, will either be emulated, resented, or both.

No matter their age or maturity level, the family transition (or rather – disruption) will confuse and upset them. Parental separation can fundamentally and permanently shift a child’s world view. Parents must put their own emotions aside and take careful, mature steps to ensure that their children are able to cope with changes the divorce brings. It is crucial to the child’s emotional well being. To that end, I have compiled a list of crucial suggestions compiled from various child psychiatrists. They are not quite as eloquent as this writer – but they are to be given great deference.

But first, take a look at this video. If you do not need heed the spirit of the collective wisdom below, it is highly likely that as you watch – you will looking into your future. It is not pretty.

Encourage open communication from your children. Although the complete scope of the process might immediately escape children, it’s important that you take time to allow a child to express his or her feelings about the event. This is a way in which you can both come to understand outside viewpoints, as well as providing you with an opportunity to reach and explain the situation in a manner that resonates with the child. If you have multiple children, it’s important to speak to them both individually and collectively, as each child is likely to have a different, personal response to the events unfolding, depending on their age and personality.
Ensure that all children have a stable social safety net throughout the process. Since the fundamental role of the family is to provide a safe setting in which children can learn and grow, it’s important that one continue to provide this level of support even during parental separation. Ensure that children are in a safe environment and remain outside any legal or argumentative environments that might surround the divorce; if you understand with your spouse around children, remain friendly and amicable, independent of your internal feelings. Always reach out to your broader, extended social network so that children feel comfortable – allow them to spend time with friends, relatives and counselors so that they have feelings of stability in spite of the changes around them.
Maintain continuity in your own personal life so that you can remain a strong parent. In order to help children cope with a divorce, it’s important that one ensure stability in all facets of life, from work to friendships. By maintaining an equilibrium in your life, you can ensure that you’ll bring a balanced approach to keeping your life in order so that you can remain strong for your children. It may be beneficial to spend time with a counselor so that you can work through any anxiety or feelings that you have, in order to ensure a proper outlet for those emotions; while it’s okay to express yourself around children, one should also ensure that emotions are kept in check and expressed in a structured fashion so children feel comfortable. In order to help children remain strong during a divorce, each parent has to be strong independently.
Keep legal challenges outside of the child’s daily life. Although court proceedings are a core part of any divorce, children should not have to grasp the details of the legal fight. I nstead, keep the legal details separate from your relationship with your children. When working out a legal settlement, always keep the best interests of your children in mind, as those considerations should trump any financial or situational disputes that might arise in the proceedings. Even during the direct divorce proceedings, ensure that you have enough time to devote to nurturing and taking care of your children. Also, take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, so that you have the energy and ability to parent the children.
Allow children an expressive outlet to ensure their lives are well-balanced. While no divorce is fun for children, it’s important to ensure that children continue to have elements of joy in their life, from celebrating parties with friends to enjoying time off from school on the weekends. Take time away from the bustle of daily life to take your children to a park or to a nice dinner out with relatives so that they can continue to find enjoyment in life, in spite of the larger situation. (Credit to the SC Family Law Blog.)

Legal Fees, Dissipation of Marital Funds

Constance Camus — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 10:05:47 +0000

DIVORCE IN MARYLAND: PAYMENT TO YOUR DIVORCE LAWYER OUT OF MARITAL FUNDS DOES NOT CONSTITUTE DISSIPATION OF MARITAL ASSETS

In a case of first impression in 2004, the Court of Special Appeals of Maryland decided that a spouse who pays reasonable attorney’s fees connected with a divorce proceeding out of marital funds cannot be found to be dissipating marital funds. Allison v. Allison, 160 Md. App. 331 (2004.)

Citing a law review article, the Court of Special Appeals concurred that as the law permits divorce, it should permit parties to spend funds for legal services in divorce proceedings from marital assets. Spouses do not often have their own separate funds to pay their lawyers. In Maryland, as income earned during separation is also marital property, it would be difficult to pay legal fees without spending marital funds.

Dissipation of marital assets was defined in a previous case in McCleary v. McCleary, 150 Md. App. 448, 462-63 (2002) where the Court said:

“Dissipation may be found where one spouse uses marital property for his or her own benefit for a purpose unrelated to the marriage at a time where the marriage is undergoing an irreconcilable breakdown.” Citing Sharp v. Sharp, 58 Md. App. 386, 401, 473 A.2d 499 (1984). The Court stated “[W]e have defined dissipation as expending marital assets “for the principal purpose of reducing the funds available for equitable distribution.” Citing Jeffcoat v. Jeffcoat, 102 Md. App. 301, 311, 649 A.2d 1137 (1994).

In the Allison case, the Court found that the husband’s attorney’s fees of $13,665.71 did not meet the definition of “dissipation as set forth in the Jeffcoat case viz: expenditures of marital funds “for the principle purpose of reducing funds available for equitable distribution.” The Court of Special Appeals found that the amount of attorney fees that the husband paid appear to be entirely reasonable, and there was no indication that his expenditures were made with the goal of reducing the amount of monies available for a monetary award. Mr. Allison, after the separation, lived modestly, but after paying his wife $1,400 per month in pendente lite alimony and making mortgage payments of over $1,300 monthly on the house where his wife lived lived, he had little left over from his net monthly income of $4,911.09 to pay for his own everyday expenses. Unless he sold his personal belongings or was willing to pay a large tax bill for early liquidation of a non-marital IRA worth $18,779.48, Mr. Allison had no choice but to pay his attorney’s fees (and those of his wife’s that the court ordered) out of marital property. The same is true with many other couples that divorce.

The Allison Court noted that the obvious purposes for expending the funds for legal services were two: (1) to avoid representing himself in a case where his spouse sought, among other things, an award of indefinite alimony and (2) to obey a lawful order to pay a portion of his wife’s attorney’s fees. Thus, the Court concluded that Mr. Allison’s $13,665.31 expenditure did not meet the definition of “dissipation” set forth (and as stated above) in Jeffcoat v. Jeffcoat, 102 Md. App. 301, 311 (1994), and reaffirmed recently in McCleary, supra, 150 Md. App. at 462-63.