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Slavery is Over Ladies, He Does Not Own You …

Constance Camus — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 07:13:11 +0000

It is very difficult to wrap your brain around the warped reality of abusers. Quite frankly one wonders why they insist on creating such constant drama. It must be exhausting. For pity’s sake, go lay in a hammock and chill. Read a book. Aren’t there better things to do than to live in a bad B movie day after day?

Their motivation is quite simple. And primitive. Can you say arrested development? Never understood why that was not a jailable offense. Oh wait, – in their case, it is… But I digress.

Despite the muddied waters created by federally sponsored psychological and sociological research, strident (and oh so tired) feminist theories, the hue and cry from organizations founded by men crying persecution - men that hit women, children and animals (i.e. smaller living beings) do it for POWER and CONTROL. The power and control gains him ownership. Then the genius sets about to destroy that which he owns. Does that make any sense?

Boys, you are merely sad cartoon characters. And ladies, no one that displays any of the traits listed below, is worthy of the benefit of the doubt. Those of you reading this – caught in his web of lunacy and cycle of violence – have got to run like hell. Today. The only place he belongs is in your rear view mirror or in jail. There are people just waiting to see you through. You just have to make the call. Call me, call anyone, call 911, call a taxi – just get out the house. We will find a way. Do you really want to waste one more day cowering in the darkness? He doesn’t own you. He certainly does not love you. Get the money, the children, the pets, the paperwork, take the better car…and step. One day, very soon, you are going to look back and think “what the hell was I thinking? That man was crazy as hell…”

The List:

1. Heavy drinking or drug abuse, especially if the substances are his excuse: “The alcohol made me do it.” Yeah, and the devil too.

2. Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse. It will grow in frequency and severity. He will wear you down. That is not love – love builds you up, it does not tear you down. Do not, repeat, do not marry him thinking you can change him. You won’t. You can’t change people. C’mon, that is basic common sense 101.

3. Morbid jealousy. What appears to be flattering attention initially, molds into an obsessive, unrelenting curse all too soon. You will never convince him of your innocence for the imagined transgressions you have committed.

4. Past child abuse and/or witness to marital violence. Children learn what they live. Boys tend to emulate their fathers. Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a “violence carrier.” You can’t fix him. Leave it to the professionals. Or God – just not you.

5. Inability to handle frustration. If he blows up like a two year old, explodes at the least little thing, and throws tantrums over minor things, he will likely act out his frustration with violence in a marriage. The way he handles his anger is a key indicator.

6. A violent temper. This speaks for itself. If you feel fear when he gets angry, that is a warning signal. Listen to the voices in your head and in your heart. See the red flashing lights of alarm all around you. Denial is a dead end street.

7. Cruelty to animals in any degree, abuse and mistreatment to your pets, enjoyment of the killing of hunted animals merely for the sake of killing. What make you think he will treat you or your children any differently?

8. Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self. If he ever “playfully” points a gun at you or other any weapon, imagine him angry and armed. Get out!

9. Mental illness. A person of unsound mind, no sense of moral responsibility or guilt, will find it difficult to control his actions. Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?

10. Poor self-image and insecurity about his own masculinity. If he compulsively needs to dominate and/or monitor conversations, schedules, visitors, must always have the upper hand - you will, sooner than later, be the subject of his control. He will consider you his possession. Remember POWER and CONTROL. He truly believes he has the right to treat you as his property, to do with as he pleases. (See any definition for sociopath.)

11. Nothing is ever his fault. Ever. His problems are everyone else’s fault, starting with his wife or girlfriend. It is a never ending pattern. Because he will neither acknowledge his faults nor take responsibility when things go wrong, you, the children and the dog will be held responsible.

12. Violence to him is normal. It is how he solves problems. When you were a little girl dreaming of your future husband – is this what you had in mind?

13. Isolating his wife from family and friends, monitoring and unplugging her phone, criticizing her friends and family, taking the keys, clocking her time out of the house…and then staying out as he pleases with nary an explanation.

The Why Factor

After combing through mountains of research, reports, posts, studies, evaluations, and anything else I could get my hands on to explain how a batterer’s brain works – I found Brian Nichols. He is the Public Policy Team Manager for the wonderful group Men Stopping Violence Inc., from Atlanta, Georgia. I hope to interview him soon because their program is having great success with respect to batterer intervention and rehabilitation. His article – Why Do Men Batter?- cuts through the many dissenting, disparate, often angry, voices that espouse their varied and inopposite opinions and theories on this topic. He brought the question of a batterer’s motivation in for a clear landing.

Battering is not an inability to express feelings or wants, but a method by which a man does so. When a man hits or yells at a woman, that is a choice he makes. No person or circumstance can make a man attack his partner verbally or physically. There are circumstances which may increase the likelihood that a man will batter, but no circumstances make it inevitable that a man will make abusive choices. This means that explanations of battering which are interpersonal, such as communication issues or provocation, are inaccurate. Men, rather than circumstances, are responsible for abusive choices. Thus, an accurate explanation of battering would account for the reasons men make the choice to batter rather than an outside force that causes them to batter. In short, men batter to gain power and control over another person. This explanation is profound in that it frames individual acts of violence within a pattern of behavior. The explanation of power and control has become, however, something of a cliché, and its larger implications are overlooked. One often overlooked implication is that battering is purposeful. Men choose behavior in a systematic way in order to gain power and control. There is a function to a man’s battering. That is, men batter in the short term to get a woman to do what he wants or to stop her from doing something. When a man yells at a woman, criticizing her, he knows what effect his behavior will have on her. In the short term, his yelling will cause fear and pain, and in the longer term he will destroy her personhood so that he can have power and control over her. Men who batter know and choose the effects of battering. This is disturbing because it leaves us with the question, why do men want power and control?

This article is written to the women in abusive relationships that need immediate encouragement to take that first step out of the house. Those in life threatening situations. Those that are petrified. It is only after all parties are safe and cooler (and saner) heads prevail, that we can address the remedies, rehabilitation and healing necessary for all parties.Men Stopping Violence, Inc. demonstrates there is hope for drastic change for all concerned. I truly believe that and shall present more on the topic very shortly. My deepest thanks to Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Martina McBride. God Bless you all for keeping it real.

Domestic Violence: Facing Abuse

Constance Camus — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:58:37 +0000

As domestic violence increases, how one woman is helping

This article is reprinted in full with permission from the author Gwendolyn Glenn of the Patuxent View Newspaper (gglenn@patuxent.com). I cannot improve upon it.

Norma Harley is manager of the Prince George’s County Sheriff Department’s domestic violence unit in Landover. She says her office receives between 1,300-1,500 peace and protective orders each month. (Photo by Don Watkins)

Growing up in Roanoke, Va., 45-year-old Valerie Nicholas said as a small child she endured physical, verbal and sexual abuse that began when she was only 8 years old.

Initially, it was the friends of her alcoholic father who abused her. Later, when she began dating as a teenager and up until a few years ago, Nicholas, now a resident of Laurel, went through numerous abusive relationships.

“I would ask myself, ‘What is it that allows me to take this abuse and think it’s normal?’ ” Nicholas said. “When I was at my lowest point, I said, ‘God if you will restore me, I’ll spend the rest of my life helping others deal with abuse.’

“It took many years of counseling, along with having a strong network of family, friends and church members for Nicholas to put that abusive past behind her. Now that she has, Nicholas is helping others break the cycle of abuse in their lives by telling them her story and working with victims and local officials through a nonprofit organization she founded, Love Is Not Enough (www.loveisnotenough.org).

“I want to go in the community to schools, churches, companies and on the streets to talk to domestic violence victims … and not tell them what to do, but give them options on what they can do,” she said. “I’ve done PSAs for the Sheriff’s Department, sat on panels on domestic violence and spoken at forums at Prince George’s Community College.”

Laurel and Prince George’s County officials applaud Nicholas’ efforts because they, as well as social work professionals, say domestic violence in the county and city is on the rise.

“It’s increasing not just with spouses, but with teenagers, and we’ve seen a 20 percent increase in men applying for protective orders over the past five years,” said Norma Harley, manager of the Prince George’s County Sheriff Department’s domestic violence intervention assistance unit.

“My office receives 1,300 to 1,500 peace and protective orders each month, but I see that as a positive because in the past, many people didn’t call or trust receiving assistance from law enforcement.

“Harley said the county has the second-highest rate of domestic violence assistance calls in Maryland — Baltimore is number one. Last year, 75 men, women and children died in the state as a result of domestic violence, according to the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence.

Locally, Laurel police officials said, domestic abuse cases here have increased by 5 percent over the past year.

“We get one call a day on domestic violence and it used to be all women, but men are being assaulted now, too,” said Lt. Robert Althoff, who oversees the Police Department’s domestic violence unit that consists of him and another officer. “Sometimes it’s parents arguing with children, but as far as true domestic violence between spouses, we see one to two cases a week.

“But as domestic abuse incidents are increasing, services for victims are not keeping pace. At a June 10 U.S. Senate hearing on violence against women, senators were told that according to the latest census, nationwide 60,500 people are assisted by domestic violence programs each day, and 9,000 others are turned down for assistance.

“There’s not much out there for domestic abuse victims and not many places to get them away from their homes,” said Pamela Lampley, clinical director for Reality Inc., a drug and alcohol treatment facility on Main Street. “A large population of our women were abused. We give those we see referrals to get help, but some return home after treatment here and we’ve known of several who’ve died tragically after going back into abusive homes.

“Tammie Yancey, a local counselor, believes there is more assistance for drug and alcohol abusers than for domestic violence victims in Laurel.

“There’s definitely a need for more resources to help these victims, especially where housing is concerned,” Yancey said. “Laurel needs more places where people can go to get out of their physically violent environments.”

According to the Maryland Network, nationally 63 percent of all homeless women are domestic violence victims. Many get referred to the House of Ruth in Washington, D.C., and area shelters. Oaklands and Laurel Presbyterian churches operate shelters, but they usually have a waiting list for their few beds. The same is the case at Laurel Advocacy and Referral Services, which has 10 apartments available for longer term housing for homeless families.

“We’re seeing a steady flow of domestic violence victims and although we are not a domestic violence agency, we never turn our backs on them,” said Nancy Graham, LARS’ executive director. “More than half of the homeless families in our transitional housing are domestic violence victims.

“For abused victims who come to the agency who are not in the referral service’s housing program, Graham said, “We refer them to those with expertise to help them, but if they need to leave their homes immediately, we get vouchers from the county to put them in hotels for two nights while we get them linked to the appropriate services.

“The need to do more for domestic violence victims has caught the attention of the Laurel Police Department, where officials are preparing to implement a more aggressive program for victims.

Currently, when police get a domestic violence call, in most cases they take a report and give the victim pamphlets from the Sheriff’s Department.

But now, inspired by discussions with Nicholas and other victims, Althoff said, “It’s time we step up and be more proactive. We’re trying to pull together counselors, professionals and advocates who can counsel the victims and help us do follow-up work with them. We’re taking baby steps now, but we want to go full speed later this month.

“That plan is in line with what Catherine Pierce, acting director of the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women, told senators at the hearing she’d like to see more law enforcers do.

“We can’t rely solely on the criminal justice system, but local groups and resources must be available and law enforcement must work with advocates and survivors,” Pierce said.

Althoff agreed and said the list he’s compiling of victims willing to assist them is especially important because he said, “Some victims don’t want to talk to strangers who haven’t been there, so we want to have people who’ve been abused, that they can relate to, for them to talk to. Victims have called me like Valerie (Nicholas), who’s on fire. She wants to share her story and let victims know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

“Through her organization, Nicholas plans to act as a mentor to domestic violence victims and she is applying for government grants so she can travel across the state this summer to reach out to domestic violence victims wherever she finds them.

Nicholas said, “I just want to provide a service to help people because this is not a job for me, but my ministry.”

Don’t Get Help, Domestic Violence is Not in the Budget

Constance Camus — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 08:58:50 +0000

No Room at the Inn for a Domestic Violence Victim

Received an email yesterday that still has me reeling. It was no ordinary communication, the fear and desperation were palpable. Annabelle (not her real name) had been abused physically and emotionally by her husband for many years. In April, 2009, upon returning home from running errands, Annabelle’s husband started yet another of his endless, groundless tirades. He was sure she was cheating on him. His proof? She left the apartment. (She was at the grocery store.)

She decided then and there that she had finally had enough, and found the courage to ask him to leave. The next day, while she was at work, he did leave. But not before he destroyed their apartment and everything in it. (Of course, he took his things and everything of value.) Annabelle came home from work and found nothing left of her home but the walls.

Her husband smeared the walls and carpet with eye makeup, eggs and other food, cut and bleached every stitch of clothing she owned and left them in the overflowing bathtub. He stopped up the sinks and left the water running (causing extensive damage to the apartments below), broke the headboard on the bed, sliced the mattress to shreds, cut all the appliance cords, tore the cable hookup out of the wall, broke off the key in the front door and climbed out the window — leaving a wake of destruction in his rear view mirror. EVERYTHING WAS DESTROYED. Even the irreplaceable recordings from her late father she so treasured.

When the police arrived, she was told that the last time they were called to such a destructive scene, the woman was dead in the closet with a bullet to the back of her head. A few days later, her husband returned and finished the job by causing extensive damage to the engine of her car. To round out his ruination, he called her place of employment in an attempt to get her fired. And the beat goes on…

State Farm, who insured the contents of her apartment, put her in a hotel for two weeks. They probably saved her life. (In fact, she speaks very highly of her agent, who still calls her every day to check on her.) When she returned, she set about restoring her home and her life. It took her three weeks to haul the remnants of her belongings to the dumpster, to scrub the food and God knows what else from the walls and carpet. At one point she could no longer endure the overwhelming stench and slept in her car for three days.

Here is some of what she wrote:

After that, I had no where else to stay. I called the domestic violence hotline. I was directed to two shelters. I explained my situation to them. They said that they were sorry but they were full due to the economy. They said that there are many people that had lost their jobs and were homeless. They wished me the best of luck.

Then I went to Social Services. The man there looked at me and said that he felt very sorry for me. He looked at the pictures of my destroyed apartment and said that it was very sad. But, he said, because of my income (she makes $14 per hour) he could not help me even with food stamps because the law requires you to make less to get help and I make way over the amount.

I did nothing but drop my head and cry. As I walked out the man said to me this should be a lesson to me that in life people make bad choices. I just held my head down and walked out. I sat in the car and cried because I said to myself I have called every one and they turned me away and all I did was come into this building to ask for food. I felt so humiliated because I was very hungry.

(Note: The apartment complex refused to move her into a new apartment and wants reimbursement for the damage done to her apartment and to the apartment below. Upon their insistence, she has just recently moved to a small basement.)

Annabelle continued to make phone calls, reaching out for assistance. She read on the internet about a new domestic violence center in Rockville. They turned her away because she lived in Prince George’s County.

A local church would give her food…for $69.

She even wrote letters. The one church that responded stated the relevant person was on vacation and they would pass her request for help along – in July!

Annabelle continued to go down the list of numbers she had been given and those she found on the internet. One of numbers was for Catholic Charities.

She was told that they don’t offer those kind of services. Yet on their website, among the services offered – not one mile from Annabelle’s door – is the Food Share Program:

Participants may purchase $50 worth of nutritious food for only $18 and two hours of volunteer service. Packages are distributed monthly through a network of 350 churches and community organizations. Anyone may participate including clients and staff.

Yet she was again rejected. Annabelle was given the number to UCAP – United Communities Against Poverty, a non-profit organization, headquartered in Prince George’s County. Gwendolyn Ferguson, the Interim President & CEO in a recent letter to Donors and Constituents states:

In 2008, we worked diligently with customers facing foreclosure, those seeking emergency shelter, and individuals aspiring to become gainfully employed. Our programs have continued to serve the low to moderate income, those living in poverty and the homeless women and children seeking temporary shelter and a safe place as they work to rebuild their lives. UCAP has become a place where the citizens of Prince George’s County can find resources to help them with the challenges they face in these difficult economic times.

Among the available services UCAP offers is a Food Pantry. Their website states:

The Food Pantry Housing Department at UCAP Food Pantry provides emergency food up to 4 days to Prince George’s County residents. Assistance is available once a month. The pantry is a host for the county SHARE Program, resident can obtain a full menu of groceries for $16.00. During Thanksgiving the pantry provides holiday provisions for needy families.

Their slogan? To do nothing is not an option.

Yet they did nothing and Annabelle was turned away from UCAP, because she did not qualify for any assistance. They suggested that she call the Salvation Army. Annabelle was hungry. That should have been qualification enough.

The Salvation Army told Annabelle they could not help her at this time, citing the economy, and gave her the 800 number to another domestic violence hot line. One of the services they offer to those in need is the Emergency Assistance Program:

The Emergency Assistance Program provides eligible Washington, DC residents with assistance for rent, food, utility bills, clothing, furniture, and transportation. This year, almost 150,000 people received help with these basic needs.

She said this about that:

I sat at work and cried. I had been to every place known to man seeking help. I was really scared. The first thing that came to my mind was that President Obama just gave these organizations all this money and yet I am in a serious situation and no one will even give me food, not to mention help me with clothes. At this point I got very angry and tired.

Hunger was beginning to take its toll. Add to this Greek tragedy, the obligatory unrelenting phone calls from her husband. Afraid of raising his ire, she felt compelled to appease him and listen to the rants of this lunatic. A bully without his punching bag. What is he to do? They don’t like it when their toys are taken away.

The Criminal Charges

Annabelle turned to the judicial system. She went to the Commissioner’s Office to file criminal charges for, at the very least, malicious destruction. She was turned away. (It is a wonder she didn’t go postal at this point.) The Commissioner said because they were married all property was shared. In other words, he can destroy the marital home because he is “destroying his own property.” She told him of the physical abuse, the last occurrence of which was February, 2009. She told him that her husband calls her incessantly, despite her request that he leave her alone. What about assault, battery, malicious use of the telephone, harassment? Her facts all fit well within establishing probable cause of each of these statutes – certainly enough to file the charges. Her story fell on deaf ears.

Annabelle went back two days later and another Commissioner filed charges for malicious destruction. A no contact order was issued until the criminal trial was held.

: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

Her husband continued to call every day, sometimes in the early morning hours. When she reminded him of the no contact order, he said that no one will tell him he can’t talk to his wife. Consistent with the personality of a narcissistic sociopath, he was all over the map. He would range from calling her a whore to begging her to take him back. Still, she felt that if she refused his calls, it would only anger him. She remained vulnerable and alone in the empty apartment.

Annabelle had a lengthy meeting with a Prince George’s County Assistant State’s Attorney (ASA) who was very encouraging about obtaining a conviction for the charges. However, when the day of court arrived, another Assistant State’s Attorney was assigned the case. She refused to go forward with the prosecution, citing the same interpretation of the malicious destruction law as the first Commissioner. The charges were nolle prosequi – no prosecution.

This is Annabelle’s description of the criminal trial saga:

I went to court on time. I took all my paper work and waited for court. I saw my husband being taken out of the court room. The judge went into recess. I went to the bathroom, because I was upset. I did not even see the State’s Attorney that I talked with. I was told she was in another court room. The next thing I know a lady came behind me and said they talked with my state’s attorney and stated they are not going to go further with the case. I was told that since my husband and I were married it is Maryland law that everything is joint – so basically he destroyed his own property. I cried and told the woman that some of that property I had before I was married. I told her that when my husband came to this country he had nothing but his clothes. I told her: Mrs. you don’t know how I feel at this point. This is why a lot of woman die each day because they beg for help and no one helps them. This man took everything from me and all the justice system can tell me is sorry and send me on my way. I went home and screamed at the top of my lungs. I even asked God why this is happening to me? I have done every thing, called every number I have been given, spent countless hours on the net seeking help and no one will help me.

As a point of law, there is nothing in the criminal statute or in Maryland case law which prohibits the State from arguing and applying the marital property standard for property. In other words, if you brought it into the marriage or it was a gift solely to you – it is not joint (marital) property. Perhaps the State was concerned with their conviction rate? Is it too much to ask the ASA to think outside the box in applying the law? Law is after all based on logic. Or it is supposed to be.

The Protective Orders

On May 6, 2009, Annabelle went to the House of Ruth to seek legal assistance, having gotten their number from the Domestic Hotline. She was interviewed by an attorney (a woman no less) who promised she would get back to her. In her next breath, however, she said that she was very busy with cases and had no time to represent her. She claimed they were underfunded and overwhelmed. WTH? Maryland just got over $25 million dollars for fiscal year 2009 from the federal government completely dedicated to DOMESTIC VIOLENCE issues. More about that later in a series of investigative articles. From the House of Ruth’s website:

Offering comprehensive, far-reaching services for nearly three decades, The House Of Ruth Maryland never closes. We are always here for victims of domestic violence, their children, family, friends, workplaces, schools and our communities. The House of Ruth Maryland boasts one of the nation’s largest domestic violence Legal Clinics. The Clinic offers a variety of services including counseling, advocacy, and representation at no cost to victims of domestic violence.

Annabelle was given yet another number to call. Before leaving, she swallowed her pride and plead with the House of Ruth lawyer in an attempt to convey the very real danger she was in. She was dismissed. She went home, sat on the floor of her empty apartment and cried. She did not know what to do.

The next day, she rallied. Annabelle called Legal Aid and spoke with one of their attorneys. Once again, she was turned away, citing the economy and her large caseload. To make matters worse, the attorney incorrectly told Annabelle that she was ineligible for a protective order because the last physical abuse was too remote, having occurred in February, 2009. Well, even if that were true, which it is not – there is no specified time for the filing of a protective order under Maryland law – the malicious destruction and harassment would make Annabelle eligible. What Annabelle heard was – sorry, kid, you have to wait till he hits you again. Then, come on back and take a number.

In the interim, Annabelle wrote to at least a dozen private attorneys, none of whom responded.

Still determined, Annabelle filed and was granted an Interim Protective Order. However, because the Prince George’s County Sheriff’s Office did not act with their statutorily imposed due diligence, to immediately serve the abuser, the case was dismissed because the summons was not served within thirty days. This despite Annabelle’s many trips to the Sheriff’s office supplying the exact location where he could be served in another county as well as his phone number. The very phone number that appeared on her cell phone from her husband’s present location in his daily telephone harassment campaign. The relevant statute is as follows:

Md. Code FL § 4-504.1(f) requires the law enforcement officer to serve the Petition and interim order on the respondent immediately upon receiving the documents. The officer likewise is required immediately to file a return of service with the commissioner Or, during normal court hours, with the District Court Clerk’s Office.

If this case were not so tragic, it would be funny – a comedy of errors, as it were. This woman was not seeking pity. She needed legitimate help. Over and over, domestic violence victims are encouraged to leave their abusers. To what end? Their own? To then be abused and insulted by the government and the organizations accepting government funds to aid these domestic violence victims?

She was completely and utterly alone. She had nothing — no bed, no underwear, no shoes. Nothing.

Now, hope was gone. Take a moment, put yourself in her shoes place.

Girl Power

After reading her email, we spoke on the phone last evening. We ran through all the legal, governmental, non-profit and private resources for someone in her position. After hanging up, I called the one person I knew that would drop everything to help – a stranger. My mother. Within one hour, (by this time it is close to 10:00 p.m.) I had received three phone calls from her friends and a movement was started. One immediately called Annabelle and counseled her. Another posted a plea on a web forum asking for clothes, food, furniture. They all hit their closets. A prayer circle was started. They all followed up today. Meanwhile, Annabelle and I decided on a a legal strategy. Charles Kuralt was right when he said “[T]he everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines.”

Annabelle slept last night for the first time in many, many days. She was no longer alone. Today we received this email.

Good morning MM, Sue and Eileen. I thank you and Connie for coming into my life. I have been going at this situation alone. I know I am young and still have a lot of things in life to learn, but I feel no one should have to endure what I have been through. Also, I am sad that not even the justice system could help, but I am hoping one day someone will realize that married or not DOMESTIC VIOLENCE is an (important) issue and there are many women that go through very bad situations. Some that can’t get out and a cry for help turns out in death because no one would care or listen. So I am thanking you from the bottom of my heart that someone is there to listen.

Sue Mitchell in News Leader.com wrote today of her hope to abolish domestic violence.

…Today is a new day. It is a day for change! Today we have the God-given right and power to make the decision to stand tall. Standing tall is not about religious, political, sexual preferences; it is not about our social standing. Standing tall is merely choosing to raise our voices in intercession for those who through their own circumstances do not have the capability to lift their own. By choosing this day to stand tall, we have the capability to inspire the young women of our nation to look past the obstacles’ standing in their life’s pathways, to rise above their situations, that they can impact the future of this great nation.

As a domestic violence survivor, and as someone who has lost a dear friend to domestic violence, I can tell you I know a thing or two about hope. I can tell you that hope is a mainstay for a future filled with promise, a future without abuse. Hope is the driving force that gives the most impossible of situations the glimmer of betterment. Hope is the driving force to escape domestic violence. There are thousands of women across this great nation each year that cling to this hope. It is by this hope that they have the courage to face yet another day, and find the courage to escape from the horrors of domestic abuse.

She quoted Dr. King’s famous “I have a Dream” speech:

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

Shame on each and every person and entity in the State of Maryland that turned their back on Annabelle. This saga could have turned out very differently – once again. How many more headlines? This is not complicated. It is about common decency. It is about kindness, the golden chain by which society is bound together. (Goethe) Wake up knuckleheads!

On the whole, the officials and residents of Prince George’s County are good and decent. I am proud to say I was born and raised there. Our judiciary, representatives and State’s Attorney, Glenn Ivey, are top notch. The purpose of this article is to illuminate one resident’s life that almost slipped through the cracks. That is one life too many.

Perhaps Annabelle was chosen for a broader purpose. If nothing else, her story should reawaken in each of us the very values and standards upon which this country was founded. We must “transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.” One can only hope. But try telling that tell to Annabelle.

This poem was written anonymously:

I got flowers today.

It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry

and didn’t mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

It wasn’t our anniversary or any special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today, and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night he beat me up again, and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry. Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today.

Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered the courage and strength to leave him.

I would not have gotten flowers today.

Thanks to Kathyrn at Escaping the Trap.