In one fell swoop, we all feel a bit better about the countless $4 coffees purchased from Starbucks.  The company created their Love Project when on December 7, 2009, citizens of 156 countries united and sang “All You Need is Love” by the Beatles to spread AIDS awareness.

On December 3, 2009, Starbucks posted this notice on their YouTube channel:

In one amazing moment, the world will come together to sing about the one thing we all have in common love. People from around the world will sing the legendary hit “All You Need is Love” in a single voice on December 7, 2009 at 8:30 am EST.  The global sing-along is part of our continuing efforts to help fight AIDS in Africa.  In just one year in partnership with (RED)™, Starbucks has generated money equivalent to more than 7 million days of medicine to help those living with HIV in Africa.

You can watch the event, and lend your own voice, when you visit [StarbucksLoveProject.com]. Watch streaming video from countries around the world and then join in by singing “All You Need is Love” yourself.  For each video submitted, Starbucks will make a contribution to the Global Fund to help fight against AIDS in Africa. You can also help increase the Starbucks contribution to the Global Fund by submitting a drawing to the Love Gallery.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said: “Among the many forms in which the human spirit has tried to express its innermost yearnings and perceptions, music is perhaps the most universal. It symbolizes the yearnings for harmony, with oneself and with others, with nature and with the spiritual and sacred within us and around us. There is something in music that transcends and unites. This is evident in the sacred music of every community – music that expresses the universal yearning that is shared by people all over the globe.”

Love is truly all there is…

Related posts:

1. For Four Minutes 13,500 People Were United in Song in Trafalgar Square
2. Stand by Me by Playing for Change
3. Change is Gonna Come – Another Must See Performance

Daniel Beaty, at a Def Jam Poetry reading, is the powerful orator and poet that delivers a universal and timeless message to all men, black, white and blended.  Take it, Daniel…

Here are but a few of the comments made on Youtube:

"We are the children of our parents, but, we do not have to live the legacy of our parent's choices."

"He's telling us that he retains the best qualities of his father but he doesn't need to be the same man, and so he won't end up in jail and wants others to gain from his experience and do the same."

"I'm going to show this to my kids. I'll tell them this is the kind of man they need to be; this is the kind of man they need to look for. This is why God invented poetry."

"Absolutely wonderful message of hope.  I was moved to tears by his powerful and passionate poem!  Fantastic message!!!  God bless you, Daniel Beaty. You are going to be one hell of a father… your kids will be blessed!"

"One of my top three favorite poems. I have grown up without a dad and have heard poem after poem about the same situation and it seems that, more often than not, the poet plays the victim. We musn't play victims. This is powerful and uplifting, while still maintaining that undertone of loss and sadness. It is brilliant, he is brilliant. WE are brilliant, no matter our laundry lists of faults and short-comings."

"Oh, my Children, you have made an old activist swell with pride."

"Talk to a Lady, Walk like a Man.'' Fatherless boys, all to common these days. Knock Knock!!"

Credits: The title to this blog is a quote by Roland Warren, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative.

Related posts:

1. Heal the Kids, Heal the World by Michael Jackson
2. A Plea to Parents from a Divorce Lawyer: Leave Your Kids Out of It!
3. Tyler Perry is a Hero

By all accounts, (albeit at this moment [10/22/09] mostly by Elizabeth Taylor at her Twitter account), Michael Jackson's last show on this earth, This is It, once again demonstrates Michael's extraordinary talent.   Yet, he was so much more, this Man in the Mirror.  His many selfless acts memorialized here by those who knew him best, his record breaking (Guinness World Book of Records) charitable donations, hospital visits to children on every tour in almost every country in the world; demonstrated his genuine compassion for the "least of us."  Here and here are two comprehensive lists of Michael's charitable works. At the turn of this century, Michael Jackson initiated a global program to teach one simple thing – love your children.

As the family goes, so goes society.

Families are the bedrock of society. When families fall apart, society falls into social and cultural decline. Ultimately the breakdown of the American family is at the root of nearly every other social problem and pathology.

Just a few decades ago, most children in America grew up in intact, two-parent families. Today, children who do so are a minority. Illegitimacy, divorce, and other lifestyle choices have radically altered the American family, and thus have altered the social landscape.  I see this first hand every day in courtrooms where the adults act like children and the children despair.  It is only getting worse…

Michael's message (below in transcript and video) does not have to die with him.  For if we heal the children, we will  heal ourselves, and in turn heal our world.

Karl Zinsmeister of the American Enterprise Institute has said, "There is a mountain of scientific evidence showing that when families disintegrate, children often end up with intellectual, physical and emotional scars that persist for life." He continues, "We talk about the drug crisis, the education crisis, and the problem of teen pregnancy and juvenile crime. But all these ills trace back predominantly to one source: broken families."

Michael Jackson's Speech at Oxford University Promoting Heal the World Initiative

On March 21, 2001 Michael Jackson spoke to students at Oxford University in England, one of the best and most prestigious universities in the world. Michael gave a profound lecture, promoting his new initiative, Heal The Kids, and proposing his children's universal bill of rights. Developed by Heal the World Foundation, Heal The Kids was launched in year 2000.

Heal The Kids was established to develop a campaign educate parents and adults around the world on the importance of reprioritizing their lives so that children became their main focus.  Michael Jackson's message is that parents need to imbue their children with the love and devotion, and by so doing, eradicating the cycle of neglect.

At times Michael almost came to tears, especially when talking about his childhood and his own relationship with his father. At the same time, he spoke of with compassion and understanding as to the reasons his father was so hard on him and his brothers and sisters.

It's a speech that gives a great insight into Michael's views on children, how much he truly loved children around the world and how he wanted them all to be loved, not just by him but by everyone. He highlights simple things such as the importance of a bed time story. He implored us to reconnect with our families.

In the newly re-released book by Michael, Moonwalking, there is a haunting passage:

I believe performers should try to be strong as an example to their audiences. It's staggering what a person can do if they only try. If you're under pressure, play off that pressure and use it to advantage to make whatever you're doing better. Performers owe it to people to be strong and fair.

Often in the past performers have been tragic figures. A lot of truly great people have suffered or died because of pressure or drugs, especially liquor. It's so sad. You feel cheated as a fan that you didn't get to watch them evolve as they grew older. One can't help but wondering what performances Marilyn Monroe would have put in or what Jimi Hendrix might have done in the 1980s.

Michael Jackson was one of the truly great.  His extraordinary talent, passion for humanity and purity of spirit are unparalleled.

Seth Godin wrote:

The thing is, we still live in a world that's filled with opportunity. In fact, we have more than an opportunity — we have an obligation. An obligation to spend our time doing great things. To find ideas that matter and to share them. To push ourselves and the people around us to demonstrate gratitude, insight, and inspiration. To take risks and to make the world better by being amazing. … You get to make a choice. You can remake that choice every day, in fact. It's never too late to choose optimism, to choose action, to choose excellence. The best thing is that it only takes a moment — just one second — to decide.“We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.”

Michael Jackson chose optimism, action, and excellence.  He also chose love.  All this despite the constant persecution he endured, again always turning the other cheek.  The world is a much poorer place without him.  One cannot help but wonder…

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. – Albert Einstein

You can either read the transcript or at the base of the page are links to recordings of the speech. I'm sure Michael would have wanted everyone to read it and to heed his words.

Heal The Kids – Oxford Speech

Oxford University, March 2001 by Michael Jackson

Thank you, thank you dear friends, from the bottom of my heart, for such a loving and spirited welcome, and thank you, Mr President, for your kind invitation to me which I am so honored to accept. I also want to express a special thanks to you Shmuley, who for 11 years served as Rabbi here at Oxford. You and I have been working so hard to form Heal the Kids, as well as writing our book about childlike qualities, and in all of our efforts you have been such a supportive and loving friend. And I would also like to thank Toba Friedman, our director of operations at Heal the Kids, who is returning tonight to the alma mater where she served as a Marshall scholar, as well as Marilyn Piels, another central member of our Heal the Kids team.

I am humbled to be lecturing in a place that has previously been filled by such notable figures as Mother Theresa, Albert Einstein, Ronald Reagan, Robert Kennedy and Malcolm X. I've even heard that Kermit the Frog has made an appearance here, and I've always felt a kinship with Kermit's message that it's not easy being green. I'm sure he didn't find it any easier being up here than I do!

As I looked around Oxford today, I couldn't help but be aware of the majesty and grandeur of this great institution, not to mention the brilliance of the great and gifted minds that have roamed these streets for centuries. The walls of Oxford have not only housed the greatest philosophical and scientific geniuses – they have also ushered forth some of the most cherished creators of children's literature, from J.R.R. Tolkien to CS Lewis. Today I was allowed to hobble into the dining hall in Christ Church to see Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland immortalized in the stained glass windows. And even one of my own fellow Americans, the beloved Dr Seuss graced these halls and then went on to leave his mark on the imaginations of millions of children throughout the world.

I suppose I should start by listing my qualifications to speak before you this evening. Friends, I do not claim to have the academic expertise of other speakers who have addressed this hall, just as they could lay little claim at being adept at the moonwalk – and you know, Einstein in particular was really TERRIBLE at that.

But I do have a claim to having experienced more places and cultures than most people will ever see. Human knowledge consists not only of libraries of parchment and ink – it is also comprised of the volumes of knowledge that are written on the human heart, chiseled on the human soul, and engraved on the human psyche. And friends, I have encountered so much in this relatively short life of mine that I still cannot believe I am chiseled only 42. I often tell Shmuley that in soul years I'm sure that I'm at least 80 – and tonight I even walk like I'm 80! So please harken to my message, because what I have to tell you tonight can bring healing to humanity and healing to our planet.

Through the grace of God, I have been fortunate to have achieved many of my artistic and professional aspirations realized early in my lifetime. But these, friends are accomplishments, and accomplishments alone are not synonymous with who I am. Indeed, the cheery five-year-old who belted out Rockin' Robin and Ben to adoring crowds was not indicative of the boy behind the smile.

Tonight, I come before you less as an icon of pop (whatever that means anyway), and more as an icon of a generation, a generation that no longer knows what it means to be children.

All of us are products of our childhood. But I am the product of a lack of a childhood, an absence of that precious and wondrous age when we frolic playfully without a care in the world, basking in the adoration of parents and relatives, where our biggest concern is studying for that big spelling test come Monday morning.

Those of you who are familiar with the Jackson Five know that I began performing at the tender age of five and that ever since then, I haven't stopped dancing or singing. But while performing and making music undoubtedly remain as some of my greatest joys, when I was young I wanted more than anything else to be a typical little boy. I wanted to build tree houses, have water balloon fights, and play hide and seek with my friends. But fate had it otherwise and all I could do was envy the laughter and playtime that seemed to be going on all around me.

There was no respite from my professional life. But on Sundays I would go Pioneering, the term used for the missionary work that Jehovah's Witnesses do. And it was then that I was able to see the magic of other people's childhood.

Since I was already a celebrity, I would have to don a disguise of fat suit, wig, beard and glasses and we would spend the day in the suburbs of Southern California, going door-to-door or making the rounds of shopping malls, distributing our Watchtower magazine. I loved to set foot in all those regular suburban houses and catch sight of the shag rugs and La-Z-Boy armchairs with kids playing Monopoly and grandmas baby-sitting and all those wonderful, ordinary and starry scenes of everyday life. Many, I know, would argue that these things seem like no big deal. But to me they were mesmerizing.

I used to think that I was unique in feeling that I was without a childhood. I believed that indeed there were only a handful with whom I could share those feelings. When I recently met with Shirley Temple Black, the great child star of the 1930s and 40s, we said nothing to each other at first, we simply cried together, for she could share a pain with me that only others like my close friends Elizabeth Taylor and McCauley Culkin know.

I do not tell you this to gain your sympathy but to impress upon you my first important point : It is not just Hollywood child stars that have suffered from a non-existent childhood. Today, it's a universal calamity, a global catastrophe. Childhood has become the great casualty of modern-day living. All around us we are producing scores of kids who have not had the joy, who have not been accorded the right, who have not been allowed the freedom, or knowing what it's like to be a kid.

Today children are constantly encouraged to grow up faster, as if this period known as childhood is a burdensome stage, to be endured and ushered through, as swiftly as possible. And on that subject, I am certainly one of the world's greatest experts.

Ours is a generation that has witnessed the abrogation of the parent-child covenant. Psychologists are publishing libraries of books detailing the destructive effects of denying one's children the unconditional love that is so necessary to the healthy development of their minds and character. And because of all the neglect, too many of our kids have, essentially, to raise themselves. They are growing more distant from their parents, grandparents and other family members, as all around us the indestructible bond that once glued together the generations, unravels.

This violation has bred a new generation, Generation O let us call it, that has now picked up the torch from Generation X. The O stands for a generation that has everything on the outside – wealth, success, fancy clothing and fancy cars, but an aching emptiness on the inside. That cavity in our chests, that barrenness at our core, that void in our centre is the place where the heart once beat and which love once occupied.

And it's not just the kids who are suffering. It's the parents as well. For the more we cultivate little-adults in kids'-bodies, the more removed we ourselves become from our own child-like qualities, and there is so much about being a child that is worth retaining in adult life.

Love, ladies and gentlemen, is the human family's most precious legacy, its richest bequest, its golden inheritance. And it is a treasure that is handed down from one generation to another. Previous ages may not have had the wealth we enjoy. Their houses may have lacked electricity, and they squeezed their many kids into small homes without central heating. But those homes had no darkness, nor were they cold. They were lit bright with the glow of love and they were warmed snugly by the very heat of the human heart. Parents, undistracted by the lust for luxury and status, accorded their children primacy in their lives.

As you all know, our two countries broke from each other over what Thomas Jefferson referred to as "certain inalienable rights". And while we Americans and British might dispute the justice of his claims, what has never been in dispute is that children have certain inalienable rights, and the gradual erosion of those rights has led to scores of children worldwide being denied the joys and security of childhood.

I would therefore like to propose tonight that we install in every home a Children's Universal Bill of Rights, the tenets of which are:

1. The right to be loved without having to earn it

2. The right to be protected, without having to deserve it

3. The right to feel valuable, even if you came into the world with nothing

4. The right to be listened to without having to be interesting

5. The right to be read a bedtime story, without having to compete with the evening news

6. The right to an education without having to dodge bullets at schools

7. The right to be thought of as adorable – (even if you have a face that only a mother could love).

Friends, the foundation of all human knowledge, the beginning of human consciousness, must be that each and every one of us is an object of love. Before you know if you have red hair or brown, before you know if you are black or white, before you know of what religion you are a part, you have to know that you are loved.

About twelve years ago, when I was just about to start my Bad tour, a little boy came with his parents to visit me at home in California. He was dying of cancer and he told me how much he loved my music and me. His parents told me that he wasn't going to live, that any day he could just go, and I said to him: "Look, I am going to be coming to your town in Kansas to open my tour in three months. I want you to come to the show. I am going to give you this jacket that I wore in one of my videos." His eyes lit up and he said: "You are gonna GIVE it to me?" I said "Yeah, but you have to promise that you will wear it to the show." I was trying to make him hold on. I said: "When you come to the show I want to see you in this jacket and in this glove" and I gave him one of my rhinestone gloves – and I never usually give the rhinestone gloves away. And he was just in heaven.

But maybe he was too close to heaven, because when I came to his town, he had already died, and they had buried him in the glove and jacket. He was just 10 years old. God knows, I know, that he tried his best to hold on. But at least when he died, he knew that he was loved, not only by his parents, but even by me, a near stranger, I also loved him. And with all of that love he knew that he didn't come into this world alone, and he certainly didn't leave it alone.

If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can he dealt with. A professor may degrade you, but you will not feel degraded, a boss may crush you, but you will not be crushed, a corporate gladiator might vanquish you, but you will still triumph. How could any of them truly prevail in pulling you down? For you know that you are an object worthy of love. The rest is just packaging.

But if you don't have that memory of being loved, you are condemned to search the world for something to fill you up. But no matter how much money you make or how famous you become, you will still fell empty. What you are really searching for is unconditional love, unqualified acceptance. And that was the one thing that was denied to you at birth.

Friends, let me paint a picture for you. Here is a typical day in America – six youths under the age of 20 will commit suicide, 12 children under the age of 20 will die from firearms – remember this is a DAY, not a year – 399 kids will be arrested for drug abuse, 1,352 babies will be born to teen mothers. This is happening in one of the richest, most developed countries in the history of the world.

Yes, in my country there is an epidemic of violence that parallels no other industrialized nation. These are the ways young people in America express their hurt and their anger. But don't think that there is not the same pain and anguish among their counterparts in the United Kingdom. Studies in this country show that every single hour, three teenagers in the UK inflict harm upon themselves, often by cutting or burning their bodies or taking an overdose. This is how they have chosen to cope with the pain of neglect and emotional agony.

In Britain, as many as 20% of families will only sit down and have dinner together once a year. Once a year! And what about the time-honored tradition of reading your kid a bedtime story? Research from the 1980s showed that children who are read to, had far greater literacy and significantly outperformed their peers at school. And yet, less than 33% of British children ages two to eight have a regular bedtime story read to them. You may not think much of that until you take into account that 75% of their parents DID have that bedtime story when they were that age.

Clearly, we do not have to ask ourselves where all of this pain, anger and violent behavior comes from. It is self-evident that children are thundering against the neglect, quaking against the indifference and crying out just to be noticed. The various child protection agencies in the US say that millions of children are victims of maltreatment in the form of neglect, in the average year. Yes, neglect. In rich homes, privileged homes, wired to the hilt with every electronic gadget. Homes where parents come home, but they're not really home, because their heads are still at the office. And their kids? Well, their kids just make do with whatever emotional crumbs they get. And you don't get much from endless TV, computer games and videos.

These hard, cold numbers which for me, wrench the soul and shake the spirit, should indicate to you why I have devoted so much of my time and resources into making our new Heal the Kids initiative a colossal success.

Our goal is simple – to recreate the parent/child bond, renew its promise and light the way forward for all the beautiful children who are destined one day to walk this earth.

But since this is my first public lecture, and you have so warmly welcomed me into your hearts, I feel that I want to tell you more. We each have our own story, and in that sense statistics can become personal.

They say that parenting is like dancing. You take one step, your child takes another. I have discovered that getting parents to re-dedicate themselves to their children is only half the story. The other half is preparing the children to re-accept their parents.

When I was very young I remember that we had this crazy mutt of a dog named "Black Girl," a mix of wolf and retriever. Not only wasn't she much of a guard dog, she was such a scared and nervous thing that it is a wonder she did not pass out every time a truck rumbled by, or a thunderstorm swept through Indiana. My sister Janet and I gave that dog so much love, but we never really won back the sense of trust that had been stolen from her by her previous owner. We knew he used to beat her. We didn't know with what. But whatever it was, it was enough to suck the spirit right out of that dog.

A lot of kids today are hurt puppies who have weaned themselves off the need for love. They couldn't care less about their parents. Left to their own devices, they cherish their independence. They have moved on and have left their parents behind.

Then there are the far worse cases of children who harbor animosity and resentment toward their parents, so that any overture that their parents might undertake would be thrown forcefully back in their face.

Tonight, I don't want any of us to make this mistake. That's why I'm calling upon all the world's children – beginning with all of us here tonight – to forgive our parents, if we felt neglected. Forgive them and teach them how to love again.

You probably weren't surprised to hear that I did not have an idyllic childhood. The strain and tension that exists in my relationship with my own father is well documented. My father is a tough man and he pushed my brothers and me hard, from the earliest age, to be the best performers we could be.

He had great difficulty showing affection. He never really told me he loved me. And he never really complimented me either. If I did a great show, he would tell me it was a good show. And if I did an OK show, he told me it was a lousy show.

He seemed intent, above all else, on making us a commercial success. And at that he was more than adept. My father was a managerial genius and my brothers and I owe our professional success, in no small measure, to the forceful way that he pushed us. He trained me as a showman and under his guidance I couldn't miss a step.

But what I really wanted was a Dad. I wanted a father who showed me love. And my father never did that. He never said I love you while looking me straight in the eye, he never played a game with me. He never gave me a piggyback ride, he never threw a pillow at me, or a water balloon.

But I remember once when I was about four years old, there was a little carnival and he picked me up and put me on a pony. It was a tiny gesture, probably something he forgot five minutes later. But because of that moment I have this special place in my heart for him. Because that's how kids are, the little things mean so much to them and for me, that one moment meant everything. I only experienced it that one time, but it made me feel really good, about him and the world.

But now I am a father myself, and one day I was thinking about my own children, Prince and Paris and how I wanted them to think of me when they grow up. To be sure, I would like them to remember how I always wanted them with me wherever I went, how I always tried to put them before everything else. But there are also challenges in their lives. Because my kids are stalked by paparazzi, they can't always go to a park or a movie with me.

So what if they grow older and resent me, and how my choices impacted their youth? Why weren't we given an average childhood like all the other kids, they might ask? And at that moment I pray that my children will give me the benefit of the doubt. That they will say to themselves: "Our daddy did the best he could, given the unique circumstances that he faced. He may not have been perfect, but he was a warm and decent man, who tried to give us all the love in the world."

I hope that they will always focus on the positive things, on the sacrifices I willingly made for them, and not criticize the things they had to give up, or the errors I've made, and will certainly continue to make, in raising them. For we have all been someone's child, and we know that despite the very best of plans and efforts, mistakes will always occur. That's just being human.

And when I think about this, of how I hope that my children will not judge me unkindly, and will forgive my shortcomings, I am forced to think of my own father and despite my earlier denials, I am forced to admit that me must have loved me. He did love me, and I know that.

There were little things that showed it. When I was a kid I had a real sweet tooth – we all did. My favorite food was glazed doughnuts and my father knew that. So every few weeks I would come downstairs in the morning and there on the kitchen counter was a bag of glazed doughnuts – no note, no explanation – just the doughnuts. It was like Santa Claus.

Sometimes I would think about staying up late at night, so I could see him leave them there, but just like with Santa Claus, I didn't want to ruin the magic for fear that he would never do it again. My father had to leave them secretly at night, so as no one might catch him with his guard down. He was scared of human emotion, he didn't understand it or know how to deal with it. But he did know doughnuts.

And when I allow the floodgates to open up, there are other memories that come rushing back, memories of other tiny gestures, however imperfect, that showed that he did what he could. So tonight, rather than focusing on what my father didn't do, I want to focus on all the things he did do and on his own personal challenges. I want to stop judging him.

I have started reflecting on the fact that my father grew up in the South, in a very poor family. He came of age during the Depression and his own father, who struggled to feed his children, showed little affection towards his family and raised my father and his siblings with an iron fist. Who could have imagined what it was like to grow up a poor black man in the South, robbed of dignity, bereft of hope, struggling to become a man in a world that saw my father as subordinate. I was the first black artist to be played on MTV and I remember how big a deal it was even then. And that was in the 80s!

My father moved to Indiana and had a large family of his own, working long hours in the steel mills, work that kills the lungs and humbles the spirit, all to support his family. Is it any wonder that he found it difficult to expose his feelings? Is it any mystery that he hardened his heart, that he raised the emotional ramparts? And most of all, is it any wonder why he pushed his sons so hard to succeed as performers, so that they could be saved from what he knew to be a life of indignity and poverty?

I have begun to see that even my father's harshness was a kind of love, an imperfect love, to be sure, but love nonetheless. He pushed me because he loved me. Because he wanted no man ever to look down at his offspring.

And now with time, rather than bitterness, I feel blessing. In the place of anger, I have found absolution. And in the place of revenge I have found reconciliation. And my initial fury has slowly given way to forgiveness.

Almost a decade ago, I founded a charity called Heal the World. The title was something I felt inside me. Little did I know, as Shmuley later pointed out, that those two words form the cornerstone of Old Testament prophecy. Do I really believe that we can heal this world, that is riddled with war and genocide, even today? And do I really think that we can heal our children, the same children who can enter their schools with guns and hatred and shoot down their classmates, like they did at Columbine? Or children who can beat a defenseless toddler to death, like the tragic story of Jamie Bulger? Of course I do, or I wouldn't be here tonight.

But it all begins with forgiveness, because to heal the world, we first have to heal ourselves. And to heal the kids, we first have to heal the child within, each and every one of us. As an adult, and as a parent, I realize that I cannot be a whole human being, nor a parent capable of unconditional love, until I put to rest the ghosts of my own childhood.

And that's what I'm asking all of us to do tonight. Live up to the fifth of the Ten Commandments. Honor your parents by not judging them. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

That is why I want to forgive my father and to stop judging him. I want to forgive my father, because I want a father, and this is the only one that I've got. I want the weight of my past lifted from my shoulders and I want to be free to step into a new relationship with my father, for the rest of my life, unhindered by the goblins of the past.

In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.

To all of you tonight who feel let down by your parents, I ask you to let down your disappointment. To all of you tonight who feel cheated by your fathers or mothers, I ask you not to cheat yourself further. And to all of you who wish to push your parents away, I ask you to extend you hand to them instead. I am asking you, I am asking myself, to give our parents the gift of unconditional love, so that they too may learn how to love from us, their children. So that love will finally be restored to a desolate and lonely world.

Shmuley once mentioned to me an ancient Biblical prophecy which says that a new world and a new time would come, when "the hearts of the parents would be restored through the hearts of their children." My friends, we are that world, we are those children.

Mahatma Gandhi said: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." Tonight, be strong. Beyond being strong, rise to the greatest challenge of all – to restore that broken covenant. We must all overcome whatever crippling effects our childhoods may have had on our lives and in the words of Jesse Jackson, forgive each other, redeem each other and move on.

This call for forgiveness may not result in Oprah moments the world over, with thousands of children making up with their parents, but it will at least be a start, and we'll all be so much happier as a result.

And so ladies and gentlemen, I conclude my remarks tonight with faith, joy and excitement.

From this day forward, may a new song be heard.

Let that new song be the sound of children laughing.

Let that new song be the sound of children playing.

Let that new song be the sound of children singing.

And let that new song be the sound of parents listening.

Together, let us create a symphony of hearts, marveling at the miracle of our children and basking in the beauty of love.

Let us heal the world and blight its pain.

And may we all make beautiful music together.

God bless you, and I love you.

Listen to Michael Jackson's Oxford Speech below:

Related posts:

1. A Plea to Parents from a Divorce Lawyer: Leave Your Kids Out of It!
2. Kids have Holes in their Souls in the Shape of their Dads
3. Michael Jackson Memorial, Rev. Sharpton, It’s the Message, not the Mess

It is very difficult to wrap your brain around the warped reality of abusers.  Quite frankly one wonders why they insist on creating such constant drama.  It must be exhausting.  For pity’s sake, go lay in a hammock and chill.  Read a book.  Aren’t there better things to do than to live in a bad B movie day after day?

Their motivation is quite simple.  And primitive.  Can you say arrested development?  Never understood why that was not a jailable offense.  Oh wait, – in their case,  it is… But I digress.

Despite the muddied waters created by federally sponsored psychological and sociological research, strident (and oh so tired) feminist theories, the hue and cry from organizations founded by men crying persecution - men that hit women, children and animals (i.e. smaller living beings) do it for POWER and CONTROL. The power and control gains him ownership.  Then the genius sets about to destroy that which he owns.  Does that make any sense?  Boys, you are merely sad cartoon characters.

Ladies, no one that displays any of the traits listed below, is worthy of the benefit of the doubt.  Those of you reading this – caught in his web of lunacy and cycle of violence – have got to run like hell. Today.  The only place he belongs is in your rear view mirror and then jail.

There are people just waiting to see you through.  You just have to make the call.  Call me, call anyone, call 911, call a taxi – just get out the house.   We will find a way.

Besides, summer is here.  Do you really want to waste one more sunny day cowering in the darkness?  He doesn’t own you. Get the money, the children, the pets, the paperwork, take the better car…and step.  One day, very soon, you are going to look back and think “what the hell was I thinking?  That man was crazy as hell…”

The List:

1.  Heavy drinking or drug abuse, especially if he the substances are his excuse: “The alcohol made me do it.”  Yeah, and the devil too.

2.  Abuse during the courtship period is a guarantee of further abuse.  It will grow in frequency and severity.  He will wear you down.  That is not love – love builds you up.  Do not, repeat, do not marry him thinking you can change him.  You won’t.  You can’t change people.  C’mon, that is basic common sense 101.

3.  Morbid jealousy. What appears to be flattering attention initially, molds into an obsessive, unrelenting curse all too soon.  You will never convince him of your innocence in his imagined transgressions you have committed.

4. Past child abuse and/or witness to marital violence.  Children learn what they live. Boys tend to emulate their fathers.  Abused children discipline their own children as they were taught. He may be a “violence carrier.”  You can’t fix him.  Leave it to the professionals.  Or God – just not you.

5. Inability to handle frustration.  If he blows up like a two year old, explodes at the least little thing, and throws tantrums over minor things, he will likely act out his frustration with violence in a marriage.  The way he handles his anger is a key indicator.

6.  A violent temper. This speaks for itself.  If you feel fear when he gets angry, that is a warning signal.  Listen to the voices in your head and the red flashing lights of alarm all around you.  Denial is a dead end street.

7. Cruelty to animals in any degree, abuse and mistreatment to your pets, enjoyment of the killing of hunted animals merely for the sake of killing.  What make you think he will treat you or your children any differently?

8.  Preoccupation with weapons. They are an extension of self.  If he ever “playfully” points a gun at you or other any weapon, imagine him angry and armed. Get out!

9. Mental illness. A person of unsound mind, no sense of moral responsibility or guilt, will find it difficult to control his actions.  Does he act in ways that you feel are abnormal or strange?

10. Poor self-image and insecurity about his own masculinity.  If he compulsively needs to dominate and/or monitor conversations, schedules, visitors, must always have the upper hand -  you will, sooner than later, be the subject of his control.  He will consider you his possession.  Remember POWER and CONTROL.  He truly believes he has the right to treat you as his property, to do with as he pleases. (See any definition for sociopath.)

11. Nothing is ever his fault.  Ever.  His problems are everyone else’s fault, starting with his wife.  It is a never ending pattern.  If he never acknowledges his faults and responsibilities when things go wrong, you, the children and the dog will be held responsible.

12.  Violence to him is normal.  It is how he solves problems.  When you were a little girl dreaming of your future husband – is this what you had in mind?

13.  Isolating his wife from family and friends, monitoring and unplugging her phone, criticizing her friends and family, taking the keys, timing her time out of the house…and then staying out as he pleases with nary an explanation.

The Why Factor

After combing through mountains of research, reports, posts, studies, evaluations, and anything else I could get my hands on to explain how a batterer’s brain works – I found Brian Nichols. He is the Public Policy Team Manager for the wonderful group Men Stopping Violence Inc., from Atlanta, Georgia.  I hope to interview him soon because their program is having great success with respect to batterer intervention and rehabilitation.

His article – Why Do Men Batter?- cuts through the many dissenting, disparate, often angry, voices that espouse their varied and inopposite opinions and theories on this topic.  He brought the question of a batterer’s motivation in for a clear landing.

Battering is not an inability to express feelings or wants, but a method by which a man does so.  When a man hits or yells at a woman, that is a choice he makes. No person or circumstance can make a man attack his partner verbally or physically. There are circumstances which may increase the likelihood that a man will batter, but no circumstances make it inevitable that a man will make abusive choices. This means that explanations of battering which are interpersonal, such as communication issues or provocation, are inaccurate.

Men, rather than circumstances, are responsible for abusive choices. Thus, an accurate explanation of battering would account for the reasons men make the choice to batter rather than an outside force that causes them to batter. In short, men batter to gain power and control over another person. This explanation is profound in that it frames individual acts of violence within a pattern of behavior. The explanation of power and control has become, however, something of a cliché, and its larger implications are overlooked. One often overlooked implication is that battering is purposeful. Men choose behavior in a systematic way in order to gain power and control. There is a function to a man’s battering. That is, men batter in the short term to get a woman to do what he wants or to stop her from doing something.

When a man yells at a woman, criticizing her, he knows what effect his behavior will have on her. In the short term, his yelling will cause fear and pain, and in the longer term he will destroy her personhood so that he can have power and control over her. Men who batter know and choose the effects of battering. This is disturbing because it leaves us with the question, why do men want power and control?

It is only after all parties are safe and cooler (and saner) heads prevail, that we can address the remedies, rehabilitation and healing necessary for all parties. Men Stopping Violence, Inc. demonstrates there is hope for drastic change for all concerned.  I truly believe that and shall present more on the topic very shortly.

My deepest thanks to Bette Midler, Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Martina McBride.  God Bless you all for keeping it real.

Related posts:

1. Domestic Violence: Facing Abuse
2. New Domestic Violence Assessment Tool
3. Domestic Violence: What Can the Judge Order?

This article is reprinted in full with permission from the author Gwendolyn Glenn of the Patuxent View Newspaper (gglenn@patuxent.com).  I cannot improve upon it.

Norma Harley is manager of the Prince George’s County Sheriff Department’s domestic violence unit in Landover. She says her office receives between 1,300-1,500 peace and protective orders each month. (Photo by Don Watkins)

Growing up in Roanoke, Va., 45-year-old Valerie Nicholas said as a small child she endured physical, verbal and sexual abuse that began when she was only 8 years old.

Initially, it was the friends of her alcoholic father who abused her. Later, when she began dating as a teenager and up until a few years ago, Nicholas, now a resident of Laurel, went through numerous abusive relationships.

“I would ask myself, ‘What is it that allows me to take this abuse and think it’s normal?’ ” Nicholas said. “When I was at my lowest point, I said, ‘God if you will restore me, I’ll spend the rest of my life helping others deal with abuse.’

“It took many years of counseling, along with having a strong network of family, friends and church members for Nicholas to put that abusive past behind her. Now that she has, Nicholas is helping others break the cycle of abuse in their lives by telling them her story and working with victims and local officials through a nonprofit organization she founded, Love Is Not Enough (www.loveisnotenough.org).

“I want to go in the community to schools, churches, companies and on the streets to talk to domestic violence victims … and not tell them what to do, but give them options on what they can do,” she said. “I’ve done PSAs for the Sheriff’s Department, sat on panels on domestic violence and spoken at forums at Prince George’s Community College.”

Laurel and Prince George’s County officials applaud Nicholas’ efforts because they, as well as social work professionals, say domestic violence in the county and city is on the rise.

“It’s increasing not just with spouses, but with teenagers, and we’ve seen a 20 percent increase in men applying for protective orders over the past five years,” said Norma Harley, manager of the Prince George’s County Sheriff Department’s domestic violence intervention assistance unit.

“My office receives 1,300 to 1,500 peace and protective orders each month, but I see that as a positive because in the past, many people didn’t call or trust receiving assistance from law enforcement.

“Harley said the county has the second-highest rate of domestic violence assistance calls in Maryland — Baltimore is number one. Last year, 75 men, women and children died in the state as a result of domestic violence, according to the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence.

Locally, Laurel police officials said, domestic abuse cases here have increased by 5 percent over the past year.

“We get one call a day on domestic violence and it used to be all women, but men are being assaulted now, too,” said Lt. Robert Althoff, who oversees the Police Department’s domestic violence unit that consists of him and another officer. “Sometimes it’s parents arguing with children, but as far as true domestic violence between spouses, we see one to two cases a week.

“But as domestic abuse incidents are increasing, services for victims are not keeping pace. At a June 10 U.S. Senate hearing on violence against women, senators were told that according to the latest census, nationwide 60,500 people are assisted by domestic violence programs each day, and 9,000 others are turned down for assistance.

“There’s not much out there for domestic abuse victims and not many places to get them away from their homes,” said Pamela Lampley, clinical director for Reality Inc., a drug and alcohol treatment facility on Main Street. “A large population of our women were abused. We give those we see referrals to get help, but some return home after treatment here and we’ve known of several who’ve died tragically after going back into abusive homes.

“Tammie Yancey, a local counselor, believes there is more assistance for drug and alcohol abusers than for domestic violence victims in Laurel.

“There’s definitely a need for more resources to help these victims, especially where housing is concerned,” Yancey said. “Laurel needs more places where people can go to get out of their physically violent environments.”

According to the Maryland Network, nationally 63 percent of all homeless women are domestic violence victims. Many get referred to the House of Ruth in Washington, D.C., and area shelters. Oaklands and Laurel Presbyterian churches operate shelters, but they usually have a waiting list for their few beds. The same is the case at Laurel Advocacy and Referral Services, which has 10 apartments available for longer term housing for homeless families.

“We’re seeing a steady flow of domestic violence victims and although we are not a domestic violence agency, we never turn our backs on them,” said Nancy Graham, LARS’ executive director. “More than half of the homeless families in our transitional housing are domestic violence victims.

“For abused victims who come to the agency who are not in the referral service’s housing program, Graham said, “We refer them to those with expertise to help them, but if they need to leave their homes immediately, we get vouchers from the county to put them in hotels for two nights while we get them linked to the appropriate services.

“The need to do more for domestic violence victims has caught the attention of the Laurel Police Department, where officials are preparing to implement a more aggressive program for victims.

Currently, when police get a domestic violence call, in most cases they take a report and give the victim pamphlets from the Sheriff’s Department.

But now, inspired by discussions with Nicholas and other victims, Althoff said, “It’s time we step up and be more proactive. We’re trying to pull together counselors, professionals and advocates who can counsel the victims and help us do follow-up work with them. We’re taking baby steps now, but we want to go full speed later this month.

“That plan is in line with what Catherine Pierce, acting director of the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women, told senators at the hearing she’d like to see more law enforcers do.

“We can’t rely solely on the criminal justice system, but local groups and resources must be available and law enforcement must work with advocates and survivors,” Pierce said.

Althoff agreed and said the list he’s compiling of victims willing to assist them is especially important because he said, “Some victims don’t want to talk to strangers who haven’t been there, so we want to have people who’ve been abused, that they can relate to, for them to talk to. Victims have called me like Valerie (Nicholas), who’s on fire. She wants to share her story and let victims know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

“Through her organization, Nicholas plans to act as a mentor to domestic violence victims and she is applying for government grants so she can travel across the state this summer to reach out to domestic violence victims wherever she finds them.

Nicholas said, “I just want to provide a service to help people because this is not a job for me, but my ministry.”

Related posts:

1. Don’t Get Help, Domestic Violence is Not in the Budget
2. Domestic Violence Billboards: Idea! – Maryland Insurance Companies Should Sponsor
3. New Domestic Violence Assessment Tool